Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers

This past Sunday while looking for a pun for this month's Back Page I came across the title and liked it enough to make it my Facebook status. As expected I got a "lol" or two, but somewhat less expectedly Brian B. commented, "That isn't even close to being true..." Intrigued, I decided to defend my claim, challenging myself to use a pun in each comment. 41 comments later I had had quite the conversation, mainly involving myself and Okma juniors Brian B. and Nick L. I'll let you see for yourself:


Brian: That isn't even close to being true...

Brian: It's not even funny...

Me: What part of it isn't true? Careful, you might make me mad during my magic act; I've been known to pull my hare out!

Brian: Lots of atheists solve exponential equations. Therefore, it isn't true.

Me: Do atheists believe in Santa? What about his helpers, the subordinate clauses?

Brian: Very few people over the age of 10 believe in Santa. Subordinate clauses have nothing to do with Santa.

Me: Hey! Are you calling my jokes average? How could you be so mean...

Nick: In Soviet Russia, equation differentiate you!

Me: I really don't think you should use Russian Reversal in a discussion of mathematics; it's a weapon of math disruption.

Brian: Your jokes are below average.

Nick: In Soviet Russia (and in IB 1 Physics A2), Brian annoy YOU.

Brian: lmfao at IB1 Physics A2 = Soviet Russia

Me: Really, Brian, I don't mind your insults. It's not the students of IA that bother me, it's just the principal of it.

Me: And Nick, we know the Russians can never accomplish anything, especially after WWII then they kept Stalin around.

Brian: Wait, Ms. Gibson bothers you?

Nick: In Soviet Russia, josh's post doesn't understand you....

Brian: What was I supposed to understand that I didn't? Principal is the person.

Me: Why do you have to read so much into it? Geez, I give you guys an inch and you think you're rulers.

Nick: In Soviet Russia, ruler measures YOU (and amount of produce Stalin give you).

Me: "Principal" can be spelled another way and therefore has two meanings. It's kinda like when I broke up with that tennis player; love meant nothing to her.

Brian: "Principle" is the other spelling. It's meanings are not included in "principal."
And do you ever run out of these?

Me: Whoa whoa whoa, are you trying to calculate how long I can keep this up? Please don't, I'm so bad at math. Even a simple equation like 2n + 2n is 4n to me.

Brian: That's not an equation, but you definitely got it right.

Me: I told you, I'm bad at math. I finished my last trig test right in the nick of time, with not a secant to spare.
I'm so excited about laser tag on senior skip day tomorrow! It's too bad about that group that planned to skip to go bungee jumping though; I hear they got suspended.

Me: It's also kinda scary about the group that went shopping at The Gap during the hold-up; there were lots of casual Ts.

Brian: Wow...just wow...where are you getting these?

Me: There's a book in the store where they sell paper. I like going there, especially when they're saying an earthquake is on its way. No matter what, it's always a stationary store.

Me: They also sell envelopes. Not really good for peaceful resistance though: no matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

Me: Like I said, I'm pretty excited about SSD tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about going to sleep though, because whenever I'm excited I always dream of having written Lord of the Rings. Every single time, my mom wakes me up and says I'd been Tolkien in my sleep.

Me: As soon as I'm awake, she reminds me yet again not to run with Caesars. Then again, that's what Brutus' mother always told him, and he didn't listen.

Brian: Where did you find these?

Me: Sorry for the delay, my computer is so slow it hertz. Anyway, I got them all from a pregnant bovine. Don't say anything; if she finds out I told you she'll have a cow.

Me: OK...I got a few of them from my CO2 delivery guy. Although I can never talk with him for too long...he gives me gas.

Me: You should try to answer with a pun; they have their own rewords.

Me: To start off, try the one about the ceiling! Oh wait never mind, that's over you're head anyway.

Me: Hello? I feel like I'm having this conversation all by myself here! Just like that time I got sick at the airport; no one would come near me because they all thought I had a terminal illness.

Me: All right if you're not there I'll be going to bed...I never do get tired of sleeping.

Me: Sorry, I need to go back to school to learn the difference between "your" and "you're." Just like the manicurist who went back to school to become a veterinarian; she really knew how to give a pet a cure!
Unrelatedly, permission to OAIA this? I just hope my Internet connection doesn't die while posting it...that would be a net loss.

My non-IA friend Natalie: You are more brilliant than I will willingly give you credit for. Or you use google. Either or.


As it happens, I got most of them from the same site. A few I already knew or came up with myself. The hardest part was trying to work them into the conversation...it sure was fun though!

DISCLAIMER: The content of the posts is not necessarily true, some of it is just there to make a good pun. All the Brians of the world: I'm talking to you.