Däs Ümläüt Mönster

This ist änöther Pöst thät might oder might nicht IÄtiönäry be. First wänt I the Term Ümläüt Mönster to define:

Ümläüt Mönster [ööm-lähööt mähn-stehr] N.

1. The Creätüre thät ön stüdents öf Germän Grämmär preys
2. The Creätüre thät Peöple föllöwing the Läws of Germän Grämmär nicht devöürs
3. The Reäsön thät this Pöst this Wäy gewritten ist
Älternätespelling: Ümläütmönster

Däs Ümläütmönster, here gepictüred ist:


The Pürpöse öf the Ümläüt Mönster, süre thät the Läws öf Grämmär geföllöwed äre tö be, ist. Its Örigins üngeknöwn äre, büt gethöüght it ist, it löng ägö gebörn wäs. In Örder tö its Wräth ävöid, üsen Sie these Rüles:

Eins: The Letters ä, ö, ünd ü shöüld älwäys Ümläüts häben, even in Germän Wörds thät keine Ümläüts häben shöüld
Zwei: Äll Infinitiveverbs müst ät the End öf the Sentence cöme
Drei: Tö äll Pästpärticiples shöüld ,,ge" geädded be
Vier: Kömmäs shöüld between äll Cläüses geinserted be
Fünf: Äll Nöüns müst gecäpitälized be
Sechs: Tö sücceßfülly the Ümläüt Mönster äviöd, müst Sie äny Öccürrences öf ,ss' with ß (es-tsett) repläce
Sieben: Germänwörds thät like their Englischeqüivälents söünd öder löök, müst insteäd ingepüt be
Ächt: Mültiple Wörds thät eäch öther describe, müst tögether gö, sömetimes with fünny-lööking-Hyphens, ünd sömetimes withöüt Fünnylöökinghyphens
Neün: Twö Kömmäs shöüld insteäd öf ,,Beginningqüötätiönmärks" geüsed be
Zehn: Cömpöündverbs in Englisch (tö gö öüt, tö get üp, üsw.) müst Seperäbleverbs in Denglisch (öütgöen, üpgeten, üsw.) becöme, ünd they müst thüsly fünctiön
Elf, öptiönäl ist: Repläcen Sie äny öther Wörds thät Sie wishen, öder chängen Sie the Örder öf the Wörds, für the Ideä leß cleär tö mäke

Ich häbe däs Ümläüt Mönster ön Üncyclöpediä geseen, ünd I wish him tö the IÄ tö intrödüce. It gives ä few Peöple ät IÄ whö däs Ümläüt Mönster knöw:

Ich: ,,Stüdent Ä, höw dö yöü spell ,schön?'"
Stüdent Ä: ,,Es, see, äych, öh, en. Büt there's än Ümläüt Mönster ön the ö."

I think, thät it ä very fünny Köncept ist. I äm in Germäncläß, ünd it gives söme Things in Germän thät fünny söünd. Speäking in Denglisch fün mäkes, ünd I höpe äble the Ideä tö spreäd tö be.

Rememberen Sie: Föllöwen Sie the Rüles öder däs Ümläüt Mönster shall Sie finden!

This Line ist tö Üncyclöpediäs ,,Ümläüt Mönster" Päge gelinked: Reäden Sie it!

Some Fun and Out-of-Context Quotes, Part IX

And yes. We did get a picture.

I think someone else got a better one though.


"I love this class 'cause I can be so immature!"
-Amisha on Ab Initio German

"Do we have to do that?"
-Kelsi on a Spanish Language Culture project

"Anything becomes awkward if you think about it long enough."
-Mr. Giromini on life, the universe, and everything

"Get a picture of the sign that says 'Room Occupancy 10'"
-Sra. Riggs on 44 members of Spanish Honor Society being in the same room at once

"I hit a lot of people, zero times."
-Sra. Riggs on her Laser Tag skills

"There's no minute like the last minute."
-Mr. Giromini

"Mr. Stibitz, which color would drive you most insane?"
-Me on my set of German Pens

"I had to read it and it hurt my eyes."
-Mr. Stibitz on the worksheet I did in pink in response to the above

IAtionary: The Drawer Not Labeled

The drawer not la-beled [thuh DRAWR not ley-buhld] n.

1. An unmarked pull-out storage compartment used to store a specific item
2. A term always followed by the name of the item it stores, usually some kind of lab equipment

Language of Origin: Girominian to Fisixian

Mr. Giromini has a bunch of drawers in his room, and most are unlabeled. I know that the scissors drawer does say "Scissors," but beyond that I can't name many more. I get the feeling that he wishes they were labeled, but never feels like labeling them. Of course that's just my take on the situation. So, he's taken to referring to drawers by "The drawer not labeled [the item it contains]." For example:

Fisixian: Mr. Giromini, where are the protractors?
Mr. Giromini, pointing to the drawer in question: Right there, in the drawer not labeled "Protractors."

This sentence serves as a witty concluding sentence to this post, which otherwise might not have one.

Moron Collisions

Today in physics class, we had been talking about momentum and impulse:

Mr. Giromini: OK, so when we get back from break on Monday we're going to start collisions. On Wednesday, we'll do more on collisions, and... Wait I meant "more on collisions," not "moron collisions." Hey Ram, Tejas, stand up and run into each other. There, a one-dimensional moron collision.

Harvey Bless You

Me to Harvey: What should we say if You sneeze? I mean, "Harvey bless You" is kind of redundant.

Harvey: Ummm... just say "take cover," cause a bomb's about to go off. *Mimes sneezing, instilling panic in the rest of us*

IAtionary: Gray Stay

Gray Stay [GREY-stey] n.

1. The condition or state of requiring an extra day to do one's homework due to the incredibly gloomy weather

Language of Origin: Biology

In my freshperson year, I had Mrs. Knicely for Bio. She was great, and as her name implies, very knice. At the start of the year, she told the class that we would get two Grace Days per year, one each semester. If we forgot to do an assignment, we could turn it in the next class with "Grace Day" written on top for full points. She went over to the white board and wrote it, saying something like "This is how you spell Grace Day. G-R-A-C-E D-A-Y. I'm telling you this because one year I had a student hand me a paper with this written on the top," and turning to write Gray Stay on the board, she continued, "When I asked him to explain, he just said, 'What? I'm using my Gray Stay!'"

Karma

The Spanish Honor Society went to Zap Zone the other day to play laser tag. We were waiting in the glowing room where we are told the rules, and Mr. Giromini was sitting on the upper tier of the seats. Suddenly he jumped up with an exclamation of surprise, and began to glare angrily at the ceiling. There was a leak, and a drop of water had fallen directly on him. He moved over, leaving his original spot as one of the only available places on that side of the room. Nicole walked into the room, and he watched her sit there, doing nothing to stop her. When she jumped up with a reaction similar to his, all he said was, "That's what you get for taking my seat. It's karma."

Some Fun and Out-of-Context Quotes, Part VIII

Yeah...

"Look, fruit!"
-Billy on vegetables

"Do you see the personal doubt I have instilled in you? I'm such a great person."
-Mr. Giromini on internal assessments

"Is this a one or is this a two or is this a twelve?"
-Hania on Mr. Majask's handwriting

"Actually that broke my camera, not gonna lie."
-Anonymous on the American tradition of hitting electronics to make them work

"That's what technology's all about, I've figured it out. It's not whether you do it right or wrong, it's if it's in the mood for it."
-Mrs. Saxsma

"And let me guess, you don't feel like looking it up."
-Mr. Giromini on the word 'apathetic'

"Did you hear my German? That was so great!"
-Sra. Riggs on saying 'Danke'

"I'm so glad you guys came back."
-Mr. Stibitz on how much work he is able to do when his class unexpectedly returns after an assembly that was supposed to last until the end of the day

Prophet Pending

Several people have recently asked me if I'm the prophet of Harveyism. I found the idea interesting, so I approached Him the other day while He was doing math homework:

Me: Can I be a prophet?

Him: How do you do this math problem?

Me: Let's see... is this is tangent of x and this is secant of x... I have no idea. Can I be a prophet?

Him: *sarcastically* Thanks.

Me: Can I be a prophet?

Him: *silence, accompanied by the glare*

Me: I'll ask when You're in a better mood.

So as of now, the whole prophet thing's still on hold... I'll just have to try again later.

Answer Desk Rate Schedule

This is in Mr. Majask's room, and I found it entertaining so now it's here as well. Honestly, I think it would be funnier if it said "Answer Which Requires Thought" and "Correct Answer" instead, because it kind of suggests that you could get as many thoughtful answers as you want for two bucks. But apparently whoever wrote it could not afford a correct answer.

Sorry for the glare in the pic. I tried.

QWMRTY, the new QWERTY

So I was Math class on Wednesday and we were working on our internal assessments. We need to type them, so Mrs. Hessler brought the laptops for us to use. The laptops are famous for being rrriiidddiiicccuuulllooouuussslllyyy sssslllloooowwww, and they often take their own sweet time logging in. Arthur's was taking longer than usual- he had been waiting almost ten minutes, give or take. After some complaining directed at the students whose computers were working better, his finally came around. With a sigh of relief, he started up Word, and went to begin typing. When he looked down, he realized something was wrong. From the frustrated scream he made, so did the rest of us. Several students gathered by his desk to see what was up, and this is what they found:


Now I know what you're thinking: "What's wrong with that? It's just a keyboard. Besides, it's too blurry to see anything." I know. I'd like to blame the inadequacy of camera phones, but as you can see it was just my shaky hand. Luckily, I had the foresight to snap some close-ups:



Yes. Someone had taken out almost all the keys and put them back in the wrong places. Wow. Only At IA, right? So anyway, everyone but Arthur thought it was hysterical. Especially me. We were laughing at him for not realizing it earlier, as well as at the genius of whoever had done it, but he was mad about the wasted ten minutes, as he had to get another computer. He tried to put them back, but Mrs. Hessler suggested that we let Mrs. Miner take care of it so Arthur wouldn't get in trouble if he broke it. In retrospect, probably a good idea.

Special thanks to Arthur for letting me use his name and to Mrs. Hessler for permission to take these photos without fear of my cell phone being confiscated.

Only Smart People Can Read This

Kyle was wearing this today. I'm debating with myself about which is the most IAesque:
-Him owning the shirt
-Him wearing it to school
-Me being able to read it
-The answering, adding -ing to fit the established pattern

Please let me know which you think wins in the poll over there <===, ok?

Special thanks to Kyle for not being freaked out when I randomly asked to take a picture of his shirt on my cell phone in the middle of lunch, as I must admit I probably would have been.

The answer to one of life's greatest mysteries has presented itself to me on a silver platter

Bri: What's the purpose of attaching the chairs to the desks? Well, I guess if you needed to throw them out the window...

Me: *whirling around* What are we throwing out the window?

Bri: I mean if there was someone in the building and we needed to get out.

Me: How would the desks being attached to the chairs help?

Bri: It'll make a bigger hole!

IAtionary: Irony

I-ron-y [AHY-ruh-nee] n.

1. The condition or state of being unable to access Moodle, despite the district's assurance that it would be back up sometime Sunday, on Tuesday night
2. The combination of the above and the fact that Blackboard is working fine

Language of Origin: Derived from the Greek ιρωμε, meaning to repeatedly beat oneself on the head in frustration, in reference to the big deal made at the beginning of the year over how much better Moodle is than Blackboard

I, for one, find it hilarious that despite all the hubbub about Moodle being crash-proof, idiot-proof, an above all nerd-proof, it still goes down. Sure it goes down less often than Blackboard did but when it does, you can count it out for a week. I mean, how much fun is it to drive the teachers crazy by saying, with all the irony you can muster, "Sorry, I tried to do the reading, but Moodle was down!"

Some Fun and Out-of-Context Quotes, Part VII

"It's not all that important. But the point is if you wanted to do it you could."
-Mrs. Hessler on calculus

"I have no idea what's going on in Sailor, man! There's no SparkNotes!"
-Big Moose on the book we're reading in English

"Only if a picture has a mouth, though."
-Sudheer on 'A picture's worth a thousand words'

"I'm talking like Obama! I'm pausing after every two words!"
-Mr. Giromini

"I bought one and I ripped it in half!"
-Sudheer on Beanie Babies

"I don't like that Smartboard. That Smartboard makes you dumb."
-Mr. Stibitz

"I don't know why physics problems so often involve monkeys on sleds, but they do."
-Mr. Giromini on animal testing

A joke I heard today

So I was in fisix today and I heard a wonderfully IAish joke from Mike S. that I had to put here. I was going to put it under SFAOOCQ but I don't think it was original... Anyway:

There are ten kinds of people in this world: those that can read binary and those that can't.

I was talking to Sra. a while ago...and it went something along the lines of:

Me: Sra., are Mr. Stibitz's kids like him? Do they talk like him...and have his sense of humor?
Sra. Riggs: One of them, the younger one, is just like him, but with social skills!

IAtionary: Quintic Function

Quin-tic Func-tion [KWIN-tic FUHNGK-shuhn] n.

1. (literal) A mathematical relationship in which the independent variable (often x) is raised to the fifth power; x to the fifth plus two x to the fourth minus eight x to the third plus five x squared minus three x plus ten is an example of a quintic function
2. (rarely) Any crazy looking graph; What did you type into your calculator!? That's like a quintic function!
3. The result of asking Graphical Analysis to calculate a best fit equation without asking oneself if the answer makes any sense in the particular situation; The freshpeople are doing a lab where they graph velocity versus time for an object with a constant acceleration. All those with juinority know that it should be linear, but you'd be surprised how many have come up with quintic functions.

Language of Origin: Fisixian

Origin of the term: Actual quintic functions (as per the first definition, above) have little to no practical use. If you get one as your answer, especially when the relationship you are trying to find is between two fairly common variables, you know you've done something wrong. Very wrong. Beginning fisixians tend to mindlessly let their computers calculate the best fit curve for them, and fail to realize that they need to examine the reasonableness of the answer before submitting it. It's kind of similar to how someone might accidentally use the ÷ key when trying to type 100 times 14.7 into the calculator, and write the answer as 6.08 without noticing that something is amiss.